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I Guess This Is Goodbye

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Yesterday I got an e-mail from my brother.  Well, it was from his e-mail, but it wasn’t from him, it was from his girlfriend.

She and I have never gotten along that well, but a year or so ago she went off on me on Facebook about my brother, and that was the end of that.  I deleted her and blocked her and refused to have anything to do with her.

My brother has been relapsing back into drug use for at least that long, if not longer.  I was hoping he was only veering slightly off track, but apparently not.  In fact, I told him several weeks ago (after my father visited, when I found evidence of my brother’s drug use in my house)  that he was no longer welcome in my home.  Since then we’ve exchanged a couple of texts and a couple of emails, but only about football.

The email today said she was throwing him out of the house and she said “I just need him away from us […] Please help him if you can.  You mean a lot to him, and it will make a big difference if he knows you care.”

I suppose I should feel guilty, but the thing is, drug addicts cannot be helped.  Addicts have to help themselves.  You don’t help a drug addict, you enable him/her to continue being a drug addict.

And so now he is on his own.

I wrote an email to my sponsor after thinking about it a while, because I haven’t exactly been perfect in my recovery.  “And that’s when the light bulb went on.  I’m no different, my addiction is just legal.  And so, yes… tomorrow starting again.  Just keeping in mind that I’m no better than he is, not really.”

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