Stopping the Spiral

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I can feel the tendrils of depression beginning to curl around me like a cocoon.  It’s August, hot and humid and still.  Nothing happens in August except the desperate waiting for September, the endless desire for fall.  It is maddening, the stillness, and it makes me want to lash out and create drama just to break the monotony.  I am trying to control myself.

Work is tedious.  I’ve handled back log, and worked on front log, and I don’t want any of it.  The politics of moving forward are not in my favor, and any attempts to change things will be met with derision.  I am done here, except I am still here.  There is no end in sight.

When I get like this I start dreaming of being somewhere else, except I want to be Samantha Stephens and twitch my nose and be there.  The work to make it happen seems like more than I can bear.

What I want to do and love to do is write.  I want that to be my life.  There is a path to take from here to there, but it is the burden of my current life that makes getting to that one seem a Herculean task.

I was reminded today of a quote by Dave Ramsey:

“If you live like no one else, later you get to live like no one else.”

Do I want to go home every night and do hours and hours of work on another job?  No, but I will if it means I get what I want in the end.  Do I want to continue to come in to my current job every day for the next 20 or 30 years? Hell no.

And so it’s time to live like no one else.  It’s time to stop living like I’ve been living because I can’t get from there to here.  So here is the plan for this week:

Monday – 8/9/2010

  • 1 hour workout (Zumba)
  • 1 hour housecleaning (any type, just do it for one hour)
  • 1 hour working on freelance writing
  • The rest of the time is free time.

Tuesday – 8/10/2010

  • 1/2 hour workout (gym)
  • 1 hour housecleaning (any type, just do it for one hour)
  • 1 hour working on freelance writing
  • The rest of the night is free time.

Wednesday – 8/11/2010

  • Free night (work colleague in town for dinner/drinks)
  • 1/2 workout, if I can swing it after dinner

Thursday – 8/12/2010

  • 1/2 hour workout (gym)
  • 1 hour housecleaning (any type, just do it for one hour)
  • 1 hour working on freelance writing
  • The rest of the night is free time.

Friday – 8/13/2010

  • 1/2 hour workout (gym)
  • 1 hour housecleaning (any type, just do it for one hour)
  • 1 hour working on freelance writing
  • The rest of the night is free time.

Saturday – 8/14/2010

  • 1 hour workout (Zumba)
  • 1 hour housecleaning (any type, just do it for one hour)
  • 1 hour declutter
  • 2 hours working on freelance writing
  • The rest of the day is free time

And yes, I will be using a timer (thanks, FlyLady!)

I haven’t ever made a schedule like this before.  I tend to make plans to do stuff, and then go home and sit on the couch for hours and none of it gets done.

My evening workouts get me home around 7.  Dinner takes about 45 minutes to prepare and eat, then by 8 I can do housework and then write or do freelance prep work / job hunting for an hour and then it’s 10 pm.  Heck, I usually spend that whole time on the couch feeling sorry for myself!

I’m going to see how this works.  If I end up getting to bed earlier I can get up earlier and add a half hour of something or other to the morning, too.  And if this schedule doesn’t work, then I will try something else.  But for a week? I can do this for a week.

Eventually, this work will pay off and I can start doing what I love all the time and never have to punch a clock again.  Oh, what a blissful day that will be.

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One response to “Stopping the Spiral

  1. Pingback: Monday – How Did It Go? | Becoming Cheryl

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