Waffling

"Praying Hands" (study for an Apostl...
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Four years ago when I moved to this town, I interviewed at 8 different agencies and was offered 7 of those jobs (the 8th one, the one I didn’t get, was a mutual decision by the interviewer and I *during* the interview – I still see her around and she is still wonderful).

I turned down 4 of the jobs for various reasons mostly just gut feeling.  The fifth agency didn’t call me to offer me the job (and oh how I had wanted it!) until two months after I started the job I have now.

Of the two remaining agencies, I had a tough decision.  One was offering more money, had a great local operations manager and was close to home.  The other was offering less money, but they had a career track for me.

I eventually decided on the one where I made less money, because when I finally met with the departmental manager for the other office, she was young, seemed intimidated by my experience, and just didn’t seem to like me much.  I knew I was going to need a nurturing environment to get me through the transition to a retail agency, and my current departmental manager, well, she rocks.

My career track took a nosedive with the economy.  I was in a great position, but it was considered redundant to a senior staffer, so I moved into an available agent position “temporarily”.  Nearly two years later I am bored out of my mind.

The local manager we had until last year was a great guy and friend, someone who would have helped me get where I needed to go.  Unfortunately, he’s gone now, and his replacement is the “yappy dog” I have referred to in prior posts.  I am invisible as far as he is concerned.

One of my coworkers (and a close friend) is interviewing at the “other” agency (the one I didn’t choose because of the departmental manager) for an agent position.  I hope she gets the job because she would be a great addition to their staff and I know she is unhappy here.

After her second meeting with them she told me that they had informed her that they are looking for a departmental manager in the next few weeks.  This is a job I would be perfect for.

I sent off my resume and heard back from them immediately – they got it, and they would get back to me.  Two days later, I haven’t heard a word from them and I start thinking:

1.  Why haven’t they called me?  I’m awesome.  I don’t want to work for a company that doesn’t realize how awesome I am.

2.  What if they looked at my resume and decided I’m a ridiculous poseur who has no business running a department?  Oh, God, I’m a fraud!

Of course, there is also the guilt I feel about leaving my current position.  I love my manager, and I have enjoyed working for this company (until the new guy came on board).  I own stock, I have a 401k, and this company has helped me achieve some professional goals.

I’ve hit the wall here, though.  If a manager leaves, I *might* maybe possibly be offered the position, but it would mean working with senior management people that I don’t really like.  I’ve seen how they treat current managers and I would not handle that environment well.  Besides, I’m not even sure I would get offered a position anyway, which also sucks.

So my friend went in for another meeting with the other agency today, and then she texted me after and said that the interviewer told her he was impressed with my resume and would be calling me to talk with me about the position. 

Very excited!  Now I am just waiting for the phone to ring.

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